How to earn humiliation

Recently our establishment successfully earned a degree in humiliation titled dheet-pun. Its awarded to people who show great resistance in times of crisis & deny any fact or reality on ground. The first thing to do is to hire a professional filthy mouth ministers who can swear that they didn’t see, hear or understood what everyone would be saying. This degree has few major courses (howto strengthen Military Inc. hold in country, howto be proficient in lying, howto mishandle crisis etc) & majority minor courses (howto attack media, howto ignore any advice, howto repeat mistakes). The degree being unique of its kind is awarded only in Pakistan. Its approval was given in 2002 earth quake on Oct. 8 after some bold media coverage exposed the improper work by government. It was noticed that there is a serious need for such a degree course for gov. & establishment.

The award ceremony was held at National Security Council presided by President Pervaiz Musharraf. He congratulated his team for finally receiving this degree from civil society, locally & internationally. The president informed the attendants that theirs is the first in 60 years to achieve this target. It was not an easy task to complete & needed lot of man power, resources & careful planning & therefore the King Size cabinet, extravagant spending on his men’s luxuries & 7 years of hard work.

He informed his team that in past all governments & military regimes tried their best to earn this status but only this government was able to fulfill its deserving status. The participants appreciated the efforts by few people namely Minister of Disinformation Mohd. Ali Durrani & Minster of filthy mouths Wasi Zafar. It was noticed that they worked really hard to get the best liars award in public.

President informed the attendants that it was actually he who would deserve the award but given the fact that he was supposed to decide, he couldn’t participate in the contest. The ministers appreciated this “generous heart” attitude & assured him that if he desired so, he could but it’s great to see him follow some morals otherwise plenty of extra-constitutional methods are also available to make this possible. The president informed the attendants that the Cor-Commanders have shown full confidence in him & fully endorse his method of handling crisis. In any case, the CC’s said, the nation has to pay the prince & not the GHQ. An evil’s laugh followed this statement.

When Kabeer Ali Wasti objected the CC statement in matters related to governance & accused that they have indulged in politics by giving such a statement he was immediately warned of showing the exit door as he was trying maligning the image of the holy cow. KAW said that the president should leave one position this year to which the president said that he has two skins & is shy of the fact that he may stand naked in history if he does so.

On matters related to media the president decided to form a committee whose job would be to bring the best of novelist in country together for a noble cause. Will that be for the promotion of literature in country, someone asked. No, the president said. I am too tired making up stories since March 9. After every interview something occurs & people forget what I said. He gave examples of his several interviews to private TV channels which were spoiled by CJP mishandling, Lawyers attack, GEO attack, CJP being welcomed all over country,May 12, AAJ TV attack & now the PEMRA ordinance.

Durrani & Wasi Zafar assured the president that they will hire best novelist & funds have already been allocated for this purpose. The president was please to announce different promotions & lucrative offers to ministers who were appearing on TV channels defending this view more than their own lives. Many requested the president of something similar to what the Prime Minister did recently.

On matters related to Lal-Masjid when some not-so-mush-impressed objected that while the gov is using force in case of media which only holds pen in hand, the Lal Masjid brigade was Scot free. President replied that the media was not using the proper language in its conduct. He often finds it hard to understand & digest what they say. Being a commando he finds the Lal Masjid Style pleasantly familiar & that’s why a dialogue. Another proof he said was the May 12 event where the ruling MQM fully understood his opinion & act accordingly. Media, he said, is acting like an alien by holding talk shows & discussions. He referred to his “In the line of Liars” where he says he was a dadageer. But what about the moderation, tolerance & dialogue process he preaches, he was asked. Well, that works perfectly for investors & Western donors, he said with a smile. For me, my Blue label champagne & my stick is enough to convince friends & foes, former for friends later for opponents.

After the NSC meeting Durrani & Wasi Zafar briefed the journalist about meeting. The journalist congratulated the ministers for the award. A junior journalist, showing his curiosity asked the two about how they work out to achieve this prestigious award. Honestly I don’t know Durrani said. The  journalist looked at Wasi Zafar in curiosity. Well, honestly I don’t know either. We followed the golden rule by the president they said confidently i.e. Unity, Faith & discipline. But that’s Jinnah’s rule, the journalist objected. No that’s Musharraf rule as per our intelligence reports, they replied. We have been asked to keep unity in stupidity, have faith on USA & follow Army’s discipline & that’s what we are doing.

What will happen if the CJP is restored a journalist inquired. Well even then, don’t you think the CJP should be thankful to us? And we should be rewarded accordingly, Wasi smiled cunningly. What you plan to do after this crisis is over, another question. We plan to continue making more, it was Durrani this time. What are your plans after retirement from politics? Besides enjoying the benefits I am accumulating, I plan to write a book which is already in pipeline titled “How to earn humiliation”. It should be interesting book for those who deserve humiliation & want to pursue a degree in it he proudly boasted.

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One Response

  1. education is tuf these days…esp. in PMA.

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